Thursday, August 24, 2006

Earth Rejects Planet Status In Protest, Planets Now Down to Seven

Earth Rejects Planet Status In Protest, Planets Now Down to Seven

Experts Fear Other Planets May also Protest

August 24, 2006 - Minneapolis, Minnesota - (PRShredder.com) - In a carefully worded statement, an official spokesperson for the planet formerly known as "Earth" has publicly rejected it's legal given name and planet status, and from this date on wishes to be referred to as "Moon Buddy".

This new name will serve as both name and identification as a heavenly body. It seems that the former planet was so outraged that a member of it's planetary family would be rejected by "Specks of protoplasm that exist one day and are gone the next", that it decided to take steps to distance itself from the "human infestation" as much as possible.

When Moon Buddy was asked if it was planning any other forms of protest, it was not specific but replied, "Oh, I don't know. We may try to shake things up a bit and see who's paying attention. This issue is not over by any measure. If you insult one of us, you insult all of us."

When contacted for comment, Planet Mars appeared so angry that it was unable to speak. Venus coyly said "no comment". Jupiter seemed unfazed, amused, and would only say, "It's a knee-jerk response, they'll settle in their orbits in time. I have to admit we're all fond of Pluto and this recent news took us all by surprise. Pluto seems to holding up well so far, no talk about his leaving orbit or anything like that, so I'm sure it'll work out."

An official from NASA who declined to be named was despondent. "Christ, we're just getting started out there and what do they do? They take one of our stinking 9 planets away from us? Do you know what we will have to do after we finally visit all our planets? That's right, we'll have to have the technology to friggin go to ANOTHER solar system to explore more planets! Faster than light travel or Wormholes is what it's going to take, and who knows WHEN some egghead will figure THAT out! No one wants to visit a goddamn dwarf! What's the point???"

At press time we had not received statements or replies from the other planets we contacted.

In related news, the Organization To Save Our Planet, issued a statement that they plan on voting to disband at their annual meeting in October.

(hris

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Bees Attack To Protect Their Home

Bees Attack Rescue Workers Freeing Trapped 16-Year-Old Girl From SUV
 
TRAPPED MARKLE GIRL - Three Ossian firefighters work to free a trapped 16-year-old Markle girl Tuesday afternoon on Wells County Road 1050N west of 200E as thousands of bees swarm out of a nest in the hollow bottom of the downed tree.
 
By JUSTIN PEEPER
August 2, 2006 - Bees - thousands of them - swarmed and repeatedly stung rescue workers in rural Ossian Tuesday as they worked tirelessly to free a trapped Markle girl from a sports-utility vehicle after it crashed into a tree.
 
The impact knocked the tree down, but its hollow stump contained a large bee’s nest that once downed released thousands of angry bees or hornets that hovered around the crash and stung anyone around while slowing rescue efforts.
 
Seven Ossian firefighters, a woman who tried to help the injured motorist, and one Lutheran Air flight paramedic were taken to Bluffton and Fort Wayne hospitals because of multiple bee stings and/or heat-related injuries.
 
The driver of the SUV, Jacqueline R. Cossairt, 16, of 4350W U.S. 224, Markle, was injured in the crash and also stung several times. She was airlifted to Lutheran Hospital in Fort Wayne after being trapped in the vehicle for almost an hour. “I’ve never seen anything like this before and I hope I never see it again,” said Ossian Fire Chief Kent Gilbert, the first firefighter to arrive at the accident. “I’ve encountered bees that have been mad before, but never in that quantity.”
 
Gilbert was one of the firefighters taken to Lutheran Hospital in Fort Wayne for a heat-related injury. Thirty to 50 bees stung Gilbert, mostly on his head. The accident happened around 4:30 p.m. as a heat wave blanketed Wells County and the temperature soared into the 90s with heat-index readings even higher. Cossairt was westbound on Wells County Road 1050N when she lost control of a brown 2002 GMC Envoy on the chip-and-seal road, according to Trooper Brian Walker of the Indiana State Police-Fort Wayne Post.
 
Police believe Cossairt over steered as she tried to correct and applied the SUV’s brakes hard, which caused her to drive off the north side of County Road 1050N and strike the tree.
 
The collision knocked the tree down and spun her SUV around about 180 degrees before it stopped in the grass just west of a house at 1579E 1050N. The SUV stopped within about 15 feet of the downed tree.
 
The grinding impact pinned Cossairt inside the SUV and restricted her from moving, rescue workers said. Moments later, the bees emerged from their nest in the hollow tree trunk.
“It was packed full of them,” Walker said.
 
A woman police did not identify who reportedly lives at 1579E 1050N came out to help Cossairt but was stung repeatedly. “She was stung so many times that she succumbed to the bee stings and they had to take her to the hospital,” Walker said. Gilbert, who rushed to the accident from his home about 3 miles away, saw the swarm of bees as he pulled up to the accident. He drove past the downed tree, close to the house, to avoid the bees. “As I pulled up, I saw the big swarm of bees, but I didn’t realize how wide spread they were at that point,” he said.
 
Gilbert jumped out of his truck and ran to check on Cossairt but was covered with bees by the time he reached her. She was also getting stung, he said. “I was completely covered in bees and getting stung,” he said. “It was terrible.” “She was getting stung quite a bit in there, at least initially.”
 
Gilbert reassured Cossairt that help was on the way as he ran back to his truck to alert rescue crews about the serious situation that was unfolding. “(The bees) just started following me,” he said. “I ran clear back to my truck and was still covered in bees.”
 
Gilbert quickly radioed emergency crews of the bee situation and the Bluffton Dispatch Center to say he had gotten stung multiple times. He also told rescuers to bring water to spray on the swarming bees.
 
The first fire pumper truck arrived moments later. Gilbert ran to the truck, put on his firefighter gear and he and other Ossian firefighters began to spray the bees and nest.
“We had to knock the bees down before we could do anything,” Gilbert said. “Those bees were aggressive.”
 
Firefighters also activated the foam system on their pumper and sprayed foam on the bees to weigh their wings down so they couldn’t fly. They additionally used carbon dioxide to fight the bees. “As soon as we got the water fog going over the top of it, it took the bees away from us,” Gilbert said. “The water was doing the best. There were so many bees that the carbon dioxide wasn’t doing a whole lot.”
 
Wells County EMS crews had to wait until firefighters began spraying the bees before they could approach the SUV. “We had to stay back until it was safe because we are no good to anybody if we have multiple bee stings and we have an allergic reaction,” said Andy Stimpson, a paramedic for Wells County EMS.  Stimpson was stung eight to 10 times as he treated Cossairt inside the SUV for nearly 40 minutes.
 
Firefighters used the jaws of life to open the SUV’s door and put rams inside to push the vehicle apart enough to free Cossairt’s legs, Gilbert said. Firefighters battling the bees were dressed in their heavy turnout gear in the sweltering heat to protect their legs, arms and faces as much as possible from the attacking bees. At 5 p.m., as rescuers still worked to free Cossairt from the SUV, emergency crews summoned Lutheran Air to the scene. The helicopter landed about seven minutes later in a field on the south side of County Road 1050N, but the bees soon started attacking the flight crew as they exited.
 
One flight paramedic who is allergic to bees was stung several times and had to be taken to Lutheran Hospital by Wells County EMS. His name was not available. Rescue crews continued working to free Cossairt and battle the stinging bees, but the heat began to take its toll on firefighters. “We were tying to keep the bees away from us, so we had our air packs on and everything else to cover our faces,” Gilbert said. “We had more gear on than normal in higher than normal temperatures. I had guys just start dropping like flies.”
 
Firefighters also faced another obstacle as the Ossian pumper and tanker began to run out of water.  Gilbert called for a Uniondale tanker for additional water, but Ossian’s supply ran out before it arrived.  “I called for the Uniondale tanker because I knew we were going to run out of water, which we did,” Gilbert said. “Uniondale was there just a few minutes after we ran out of water and we started spraying water again. Shortly after that, we finally got her out of the car.”
 
As crews freed Cossairt, the bees had started to migrate to the field where Lutheran Air had landed and were flying into the helicopter. The pilot flew the helicopter a short distance west of where it had been sitting and then moved it back as soon as rescuers were ready to load Cossairt.
 
Rescuers fought off bees as they carried Cossairt to the helicopter. Because the Lutheran Air paramedic was injured, Stimpson flew in his place to assist with the flight nurse. Cossairt suffered severe injuries to her legs from the knees down, facial injuries and multiple bee stings, Walker said. She was in stable condition late Tuesday night.
 
A spokesman from Lutheran Hospital said this morning that Cossairt’s condition was listed as fair. Police believe she was heading home at the time of the accident and said she was wearing a seat belt. Her vehicle was a total loss, Walker said.
 
In addition to Gilbert, six Ossian firefighters were taken to the hospital. Gilbert provided the following information about their injuries late Tuesday night. When reached at home early this morning, Gilbert said to the best of his knowledge all of the firefighters had been treated and released.
 
• Darrell Reynolds, similar to Gilbert, was stung 30 to 50 times and also suffered a heat-related injury. He was treated at Lutheran Hospital.
 
• Lee Dettmer, an assistant fire chief, had several bee stings and suffered heat exhaustion and dehydration. He was reported to still be weak this morning. He was treated at Lutheran Hospital.
 
• Justin Fryback, treated for bee stings at Lutheran Hospital.
 
• Jay Werling, treated for bee stings and dehydration at Lutheran Hospital.
 
• Brice Lawrence, treated for bee stings and dehydration at Lutheran Hospital.
 
• Brad Wilson, treated at Bluffton Regional Medical Center for bee stings and dehydration.
 
No information was available on the Lutheran Air flight paramedic or the woman who initially tried to help Cossairt. Sgt. Mike Toles and Trooper Kris Coffey of the Indiana State Police and Deputies Randy Steele and Jeff McClish of the Wells County Sheriff’s Office assisted EMS and Ossian and Uniondale fire-rescue crews at the scene. Four Wells County EMS trucks responded to the scene.
jdpeeper2@hotmail.com
 
 

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Replacement Values for Trees and Shrubs

Horticultural Assessments Provide Replacement Values for Trees and Shrubs
 
Horticultural Asset Management develops new product to help property owners protect their investments.
 
Raleigh, NC, July 18, 2006 --(PR.COM)-- Doug Cowles, executive vice president and COO of Horticultural Asset Management, Inc. (HMI), has announced that the firm has developed a revolutionary system and process for property owners that accurately determines replacement values for their trees and shrubs. Previously these valuable assets were not accurately accounted for as part of a property’s value and subsequently have not been fully protected through homeowner insurance policies.
 
HMI has created a scientific assessment process, the Horticultural Scientific Standard (HS²™), which provides property owners with a detailed breakdown of the replacement valuations for each tree or shrub on a property. The replacement values are included in HMI’s Horticultural Assessment. The assessment also includes full color photographs and detailed care instructions and plant descriptions authored by renowned horticulturist Dr. Michael Dirr. As part of the assessment process, information is gathered by trained assessors who determine the types, sizes and general health of trees and shrubs on a property and then provide this information to HMI to be used in the generation of the comprehensive assessment.
 
“Many property owners may not know the value of their trees and shrubs. It is common for a single tree to cost $25,000, $50,000 or more to replace. That is a substantial amount of assets to have unprotected,” said Cowles. “It is our goal that through the use of our assessments, property owners can fully understand the total value of their property and have the ability to protect against or recover from a loss of any of these valuable assets.”
 
About Horticultural Asset Management, Inc. (HMI):
Horticultural Asset Management, Inc. provides revolutionary products and services that are utilized by green industry professionals as well as experts in the tax, insurance and real estate industries. HMI’s Horticultural Scientific Standard (HS²™) enables HMI Horticultural Assessments to provide accurate replacement costs for landscape assets. The replacement cost valuations provided in the HMI Horticultural Assessments can help property owners recover from the loss of landscape assets and they also provide valuable information to those purchasing properties. Also included in the HMI Horticultural Assessments is the Michael Dirr Plant Guide, written by renowned professor and author Dr. Michael Dirr. For more information or to view a sample HMI Horticultural Assessment please visit the Web site
http://www.moneygrowsontrees.com or call 866-937-6468.
 
MMI Associates, Inc.
7406-H Chapel Hill Road
Raleigh, NC 27607
(919) 233-6600 • (919) 233-0300 (fax)
patty@mmimarketing.com
 
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Contact Information
 
Horticultural Asset Management
Patty Briguglio
9192336600
patty@mmimarketing.com
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